Yesterday, day 8 post surgery, was the day I had to give myself a sponge bath. I finally could not stand the smell of myself. I also got to use the restroom (and not just pee) without it hurting which was really nice. I could chuckle and I coughed on some water and it didn't send me hugging my belly in pain.
I stood in front of a mirror and took the compression bandage off. I liked what I saw. I also turned sideways and bent over because this was what was one of the things I hated most; the hanging skin. My belly, it didn't hang. There would be absolutely no way to hide a matchbox car in there. I stood like that, bent over at the waist staring at the reflection and the horizontal belly, and I knew that this was the right decision.
It was also a day where I did nothing besides sit on the couch, paint my nails and maybe two loads of laundry. I am healing. Today is my last full day of being off duty and after my post-op appt., tomorrow I am back at home, though thankfully my mother in law will be keeping me company and helping out for a couple of days.
The other day, day 6, I attended a funeral. A girl I was friends with since 3rd grade had passed in her sleep unexpectedly. She has a son almost exactly the same age as our second, Oliver. During this past week I have been able to see Austin numerous times. My dad brought him for a visit, I've put him to bed, and on day 7 a friend brought her kiddo over and I got Austin and we had a small pizza party. I have not been able to see Oliver. This is the longest I have ever been away from him, and on day 6 I ached to hold him. To have him put his arms around my neck and say "I love you" in his little soft voice. Last night I went to see Chris after the kiddos were in bed and I snuck upstairs to peek in on Oliver. I couldn't resist, I rubbed his back until he woke up and picked him up from the crib and rocked and rocked and cried. How lucky I am to be able to rock my babies. How incredibly lucky. I was thisclose to spending the night at home and enjoying the sleepy Sunday morning being surrounded by my family. I was drugged on the smell of Ollie.
In the end, I came back to my parents. I am giving myself one more full day of rest (Austin will keep me company for a couple hours in the afternoon). And tomorrow, after this last drainage tube is out, I will get to play with my boys, heal my scar, and have a reflection that does not eat SUV's as a game. Yes, I am incredibly lucky.
PS. I also came back to my parents and realized it's my last care free night as I'll need rest tonight in order to take care of the kiddos tomorrow. I treated myself to two percocet (I've always limited myself to one), some munchies, and the Parks and Recreation show on Hulu...not a bad night of healing ;)
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